It's crazy how things change so rapidly. I mean, I was just so happy and giddy when I woke up and now, here I am, feeling the exact opposite of how I felt earlier -- whatever that feeling is, that's how I feel right now.
You know how no matter how hard you try, no matter all the efforts you make, you know for sure that one day everything is not going to matter. Those tries and efforts are actually not going to weight as much as whatever the reason behind it all. It breaks my heart that just when I thought I have moved forward already, I'm going to get pushed far far back again. It just sucks because I know that nothing's going to be good enough to turn things around. I hate it. I hate myself for it. And what i hate most is that I know that somebody is hurting even more because of me.
Yes, I am feeling all sh*tty right now, but I also know that feeling like this is not going to take me anywhere good. I will bounce back, I have to; but for now I'm going to allow myself to sulk and process all my feelings. I'm going to allow myself to cry and be all sad.
I cannot go to my happy place right now. I'm not even sure if I can still call that place my happy place. I need to breathe. I need to go somewhere. But how? I don't even have enough means to. So what I'm gonna do is just stay here. Blog if I need and feel to. Cry. watch K-drama. And then one day, soon, I'll be back bouncing and better. :)